flies

Easily one of the worst insects ever. What are flies good for? Terrorizing humans? Buzzing around plies of poop? Sitting on dogs dicks? Crawling all over livestock, just annoying the fuck out of everyone?

"hey i'm a fly, I just got inside your apartment and now I can't figure out how to get out. oops, i'm now stuck in-between the screen and the window and i'm the dumbest insect ever so I have zero problem solving skills and will never figure out how to leave. I am a total dumb fuck."

They come in, and keep flying all over you when its so much nicer outside. Its not like you can eat anything we have with your microscopic sucker face, you fucking loser. Buzz buzz buzz all around, you're pretty good at evading swats, but listen up: I'm coming for you and I will fucking destroy you, you fucking PIECE OF SHIT. Fuck you forever.

the song "Love Shack"

This song. Jesus.

I just heard it at the grocery store and it made me want to rage on somebody. Go ahead, watch the music video---if you want to fucking puke.

"Tin roof, rusted"??? what the fuck does that even mean? This is a terrible terrible song that for some reason people think is good. Your car is "as big as a whale"? Sure it is. The shittiest whale ever that doesn't exist.

People that think they're better than you because they don't watch sports

"Oh, I don't watch sports. Sports are stupid." These fucking people..... You know at least a few. They are probably the same people that "don't own a tv" and are happy to broadcast that whenever they have a chance after thinking they are already better than you because they don't follow sports. That single fact makes you a fucking idiot compared to them.

Let's find out what the REAL reason is that you don't follow sports. Could it be that you have had no athletic ability your entire life? Did a "jock" give you a wedgie as a youth? Or maybe you're just sour over the fact that your stupid fucking PHD in philosophy isn't getting you more than $25k a year? Yep sports fans are all dolts. And I hope you get punched in the face by one very soon you snooty fuck.

people jumping into the aisle the second the airplane lands

Dude. You KNOW its going to be at least 15 minutes until the plane is at the gate and the door is open. You KNOW this. Yet, you and 85% of the passengers insist to stand up immediately and attempt to barrel towards the exit like the goddamn plane is on fire. Chill, motherfuckers. Yea, you, the guy from the back trying to get ahead of people and out of the plane first? I'll fucking shank you, bitch. Relax for one fucking minute and let the plane dock up, seriously.

These are definitely the people that pace in the aisle during the flight also. How about this---sit down and read a book? No one wants to look at your stupid face and your Bose quiet comfort headphones, I have a Skymall right in front of me if I want to look at total bullshit. Also, you--the one standing in the aisle taking to your buddy about business or whatever--I wish you the worst in life forever.

canned creamed corn

Seriously I might rather eat human vomit. Canned creamed corn is a fucking joke---what are they thinking?? This shit is totally disgusting and I have no idea how it is sold or that people even buy it. Where's the FDA on this one? Maybe a human rights organization, jesus christ. A vegetable? Seriously? You've got a lot of explaining to do here.

Hey--want some of this slop? Oh yea, it's creamed corn that looks like fake throwup. You'd rather kill yourself? Understandable.

Foam soap dispensers

(reenactment) "Ahh just a little soap and water and I'm on my way". *SQUIR--FLUFFFFFF* "What the fuck is this. Foam? Shaving cream? Am I at the fucking barber shop?"

Seriously, what the fuck. Foam? It's no good. At first I thought maybe the soap was about to run out, squirting the last remains of shittiness there was left, but nope, foam replacing liquid soap seems here to stay. And its fucking bullshit. It's almost as if someone poured water in the top to get more mileage out of the soap. Total fucking crap that barely washes your hands. They might as well give you a fucking wetnap. Ever heard of liquid soap? I have. It works, foam fucking sucks, and you know it.