people on cell phones behind home plate, waving to their friends

This is long, long, long overdue. In fact I'm surprised Major League Baseball has not done anything to control such a fucking shitshow already. These people with their cell phones behind home plate. The frantic waving. "I am on TV". Fuck them.

Easy rule, MLB: post a sign as you enter the section that says "no cell phone waving. no waving. no wave". You get one warning, and then you're tossed out of the game. Plain and simple. That clears up about as much of the jackassery as I can think of, making the game that much more enjoyable for everyone there, and the millions of viewers across the globe. Don't let a couple of fucking idiots ruin it for everybody.

"Im at the game, do you see me?" (maybe Ill stand up and block everyone behind me) "How about now?"(arms waving like they are on fire). Get the fuck out of the stadium now. Leave you fucking asshole, just leave, and everyone will have a normal relaxing time without your dumbass.

girls with fake mustaches

What is this thing? Why do girls think this is "funny"? I guess its sort of funny imagining guys walking around with huge tits but do I strap them to my chest and do it? No.

The girls-that-love-to-wear-fake-mustache thing has to stop. They wear them with their best friend. They wear them with a top hat. "I'm Daniel Day Lewis!"Not funny.

Ohh maybe they'll get the little ones on their finger so they can hold it up and BOOM--mustache! Dumb.

You want to wear a mustache? Get a sex change or join the theatre.

subway performers

"Oh hey, someone is breakdancing inches away from my face and it's 8:15am and I'm on my way to work. This is great, I really am enjoying this and didnt want to read my book, listen to music and mind my own business while trying to not to lose it as is. This is exactly what I want." OH WAIT, NO IT'S NOT.

Subway performers, man. It's one thing to play your fucking Peruvian flute music in an outdoor space or even indoor space that's large enough for me to walk away from you. Mere inches away from you in the subway where people are just trying to get from point A to B in peace? Fuck that.

These people should be shooed off the train immediately, if not arrested. And these acrobatic dudes that re doing flips and shit with their $14.99 pathetic excuse for a boombox playing a radio rubbed copy of Black Eyed Peas? Prepare to die.

I don't care if some people think its "cute" or "entertaining" or that you are "talented". This shit is rude, an invasion of privacy, and in some cases straight up dangerous. If I want to see the circus I'll buy a fucking ticket for the big top. If I have to hear your James Taylor cover, then I guess I'll just have to fucking kill you instead.

"dibs" on winter parking spots

One of probably the top 5 things I hate and have ever hated in life: the "dibs" system. This shit is unbelievable. The nerve these people have, thinking they own the street. (the street also known as public property).

So it's winter and it snows. Yep, gotta shovel that snow. Is it fun? Probably not. Does it suck to shovel out your car from a foot of snow? Yes. But do you own that piece of cement that you removed snow from? NO.

People who think they are entitled to the space they shoveled out are fucking insane. It's called street parking. Its the process you go through 365 days a year when you own a car in a city and dont have a space/garage. I'd go Charles Bronson on these motherfuckers if I could, but then unsuspecting drivers would feel the retaliation instead. I want to see these people and their fucking lawn chairs and parking cones, and shove that shit right up their ass. Fucking babies. I dont know any other way to say this other than that it's fucking bullshit, plain and simple. It's called life, people. Deal with it.

flies

Easily one of the worst insects ever. What are flies good for? Terrorizing humans? Buzzing around plies of poop? Sitting on dogs dicks? Crawling all over livestock, just annoying the fuck out of everyone?

"hey i'm a fly, I just got inside your apartment and now I can't figure out how to get out. oops, i'm now stuck in-between the screen and the window and i'm the dumbest insect ever so I have zero problem solving skills and will never figure out how to leave. I am a total dumb fuck."

They come in, and keep flying all over you when its so much nicer outside. Its not like you can eat anything we have with your microscopic sucker face, you fucking loser. Buzz buzz buzz all around, you're pretty good at evading swats, but listen up: I'm coming for you and I will fucking destroy you, you fucking PIECE OF SHIT. Fuck you forever.

the song "Love Shack"

This song. Jesus.

I just heard it at the grocery store and it made me want to rage on somebody. Go ahead, watch the music video---if you want to fucking puke.

"Tin roof, rusted"??? what the fuck does that even mean? This is a terrible terrible song that for some reason people think is good. Your car is "as big as a whale"? Sure it is. The shittiest whale ever that doesn't exist.

People that think they're better than you because they don't watch sports

"Oh, I don't watch sports. Sports are stupid." These fucking people..... You know at least a few. They are probably the same people that "don't own a tv" and are happy to broadcast that whenever they have a chance after thinking they are already better than you because they don't follow sports. That single fact makes you a fucking idiot compared to them.

Let's find out what the REAL reason is that you don't follow sports. Could it be that you have had no athletic ability your entire life? Did a "jock" give you a wedgie as a youth? Or maybe you're just sour over the fact that your stupid fucking PHD in philosophy isn't getting you more than $25k a year? Yep sports fans are all dolts. And I hope you get punched in the face by one very soon you snooty fuck.