People that think they're better than you because they don't watch sports

"Oh, I don't watch sports. Sports are stupid." These fucking people..... You know at least a few. They are probably the same people that "don't own a tv" and are happy to broadcast that whenever they have a chance after thinking they are already better than you because they don't follow sports. That single fact makes you a fucking idiot compared to them.

Let's find out what the REAL reason is that you don't follow sports. Could it be that you have had no athletic ability your entire life? Did a "jock" give you a wedgie as a youth? Or maybe you're just sour over the fact that your stupid fucking PHD in philosophy isn't getting you more than $25k a year? Yep sports fans are all dolts. And I hope you get punched in the face by one very soon you snooty fuck.

people jumping into the aisle the second the airplane lands

Dude. You KNOW its going to be at least 15 minutes until the plane is at the gate and the door is open. You KNOW this. Yet, you and 85% of the passengers insist to stand up immediately and attempt to barrel towards the exit like the goddamn plane is on fire. Chill, motherfuckers. Yea, you, the guy from the back trying to get ahead of people and out of the plane first? I'll fucking shank you, bitch. Relax for one fucking minute and let the plane dock up, seriously.

These are definitely the people that pace in the aisle during the flight also. How about this---sit down and read a book? No one wants to look at your stupid face and your Bose quiet comfort headphones, I have a Skymall right in front of me if I want to look at total bullshit. Also, you--the one standing in the aisle taking to your buddy about business or whatever--I wish you the worst in life forever.

canned creamed corn

Seriously I might rather eat human vomit. Canned creamed corn is a fucking joke---what are they thinking?? This shit is totally disgusting and I have no idea how it is sold or that people even buy it. Where's the FDA on this one? Maybe a human rights organization, jesus christ. A vegetable? Seriously? You've got a lot of explaining to do here.

Hey--want some of this slop? Oh yea, it's creamed corn that looks like fake throwup. You'd rather kill yourself? Understandable.

Foam soap dispensers

(reenactment) "Ahh just a little soap and water and I'm on my way". *SQUIR--FLUFFFFFF* "What the fuck is this. Foam? Shaving cream? Am I at the fucking barber shop?"

Seriously, what the fuck. Foam? It's no good. At first I thought maybe the soap was about to run out, squirting the last remains of shittiness there was left, but nope, foam replacing liquid soap seems here to stay. And its fucking bullshit. It's almost as if someone poured water in the top to get more mileage out of the soap. Total fucking crap that barely washes your hands. They might as well give you a fucking wetnap. Ever heard of liquid soap? I have. It works, foam fucking sucks, and you know it.