"Game Over" marriage t-shirts

just kidding. they are kind of funny.

Boston

aka "Beantown" aka Suckville. Boston. Boston, Boston, Boston.... How are you such a terrible city? Is it your incredibly obnoxious sports fans? Maybe your bougie, holier than thou, upper class smartypants fuckface population? Could it be the blue collar assholes that want to fight you? Maybe its the sheer lack of diversity that makes everyone think they are king asshole of the world? Well this I do know: Boston, you can go fuck yourself. Seriously.

Hate your accent. Hate the Red Sox fans who used to be cool, and now are worse than Yankees fans. Hate the Patriots, hate Tom Brady. Hate how fucking white you are. Are the only black dudes in Boston on the Celtics? Hate the city layout. Hate paninis, expensive coffee and cashmere. Hate colonial re-inactments. Hate those stupid hats.Aerosmith--some of your songs are cool. Clam chowder is cool. Everything else sucks. Fuck you Boston.

Grownups telling other grownups to "be good"

"Great, yep, have a good weekend too." "Be good."

"Be good"? Do I look like a fucking child? Maybe a dog that might piss on the rug? "Be Good". Give me a fucking break. Do you want to pat me on the head and send me along? Oh, "be good" and stay out of trouble? Maybe something like that? Ok adult. What are you, my legal guardian? How about this--fuck you. How's that for being good?

People acting like they are into politics for 1 day a year

"VOTE!!" "MAKE SURE TO GET OUT AND VOTE!!" "I JUST VOTED (on Facebook)!" I JUST CHECKED IN AT THE VOTING CENTER ON 4SQ" "YOU ARE LAZY IF YOU DONT VOTE!""WE NEED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!"

Ohhh, I forgot you were so into politics! It's weird, because the other 364 days a year I haven't heard shit from you about politics, voting, or anything remotely related to it. Yet, today you're preaching like Marting Luther fucking King about "rocking the vote" today. Fuck that. You voted--congratifuckinglations. Want a cookie? I'm happy you voted, really, just don't act like you are soo involved with the system and attempt to criticize others because you took 10 minutes to be an American for once. Seriously, you should really just exercise the right to go fuck yourself. I'd vote for that.

Bacon flavored/themed everything

This one's long overdue, but somehow this thing that's going on with bacon keeps getting worse. I mean, give me a fucking break. Bacon soda? Ridiculous. Tastes like shit and you know it. Bacon band-aids, bacon gum, bacon scented candles, "I heart bacon" t-shirts. It's gone way, way, way too far. "ITS COOL TO LIKE BACON NOW!" Fuck that. Yea, we get it, there's a huge backlash from the vegetarian/healthy phase that happened a few years ago. Comfort food is back, and that's great. But please, can we stop jacking off to everything bacon? Really tired of this shit.

People that think they own their city or neighborhood

"Uh, no, you have no idea what you're talking about. You're not from around here are you. Where are you from--Utah? Ohio? Yea, not even close. Uh huh. Sure. Why don't you go back where you came from"

Oh, I didn't know you owned this neighborhood! So sorry to be treading on your turf. Your sense of ownership is justified because you grew up here and no one else is allowed right? Wouldn't want to be nice to people just in general right? Yea, its cool to act like a shithead to strangers who you don't know and assume they are from out of town. Good job winning life, I hope you get hit by a bus, break your legs, and become mayor of the bed you will live in for the rest of your existence.

"Rally rags" / "make some noise" signs at sporting events

So "your team" is in the playoffs, great. You are even such a devoted fan that you need to wave around a little colored washcloth to show your support. It gets worse, there is a video screen prompting you to do exactly that. "Oh it's time to make some noise / wave my washcloth"? Better clap I guess, or maybe we'll start a WAVE! Jesus fucking christ. People that go to these games should know when to pay attention, when to cheer, and when to boo.

TO EVERYONE WHO SUPPORTS RALLY RAGS and/or MAKE SOME NOISE signage:
1) I hope you get drilled in the face with a foul ball when you're tooling around on your phone.
2) I hope "your team' gets destroyed and you leave the game early (want a sign for that exit call?)
3) If you are on a cell phone behind home plate, waving at people that can see you on TV: I hope a lightning bolt strikes you dead instantly. I will tweet about it and laugh at your corpse.