red "delicious" apples

What a fucking disgrace these are to the rest of the fruit kingdom. Let's start out with the name being a blatant lie. Delicious? Who could possibly make this claim? these mealy pieces of shit aren't good for anything. Maybe wood versions for decorating. Or one with a worm in it for a stock photo. Maybe. 

The only conceivable reason these things stil sell/exist is because they fool consumers into thinking they are "delicious". Straight up false advertising as far as I'm concerned. "Red Apple". Appropriate. Not Fucking Delicious more realistic. 

people standing still on escalators

Look at these lazy fucks. Standing on an escalator that's going DOWN. Gravity alone will do most of the work for you if you set your pathetic human body in motion. Nope, just gonna stand here like its a ride. 

Oh it's rush hour and people need to get places quickly? I'm going to be a piece of shit and stand here, blocking you, because I'm so incredibly lazy your brain can't even comprehend it. Yep I'm that fucking  worthless--it's hard to imagine being me but here I am, a blob of garbage. 

Only exceptions here are disabled people and those with luggage. 

Lazy fucking people. Just stay home forever. 

vaping

Really don't need to explain this one. If you vape, you are basically a douche.

people on cell phones behind home plate, waving to their friends

This is long, long, long overdue. In fact I'm surprised Major League Baseball has not done anything to control such a fucking shitshow already. These people with their cell phones behind home plate. The frantic waving. "I am on TV". Fuck them.

Easy rule, MLB: post a sign as you enter the section that says "no cell phone waving. no waving. no wave". You get one warning, and then you're tossed out of the game. Plain and simple. That clears up about as much of the jackassery as I can think of, making the game that much more enjoyable for everyone there, and the millions of viewers across the globe. Don't let a couple of fucking idiots ruin it for everybody.

"Im at the game, do you see me?" (maybe Ill stand up and block everyone behind me) "How about now?"(arms waving like they are on fire). Get the fuck out of the stadium now. Leave you fucking asshole, just leave, and everyone will have a normal relaxing time without your dumbass.

girls with fake mustaches

What is this thing? Why do girls think this is "funny"? I guess its sort of funny imagining guys walking around with huge tits but do I strap them to my chest and do it? No.

The girls-that-love-to-wear-fake-mustache thing has to stop. They wear them with their best friend. They wear them with a top hat. "I'm Daniel Day Lewis!"Not funny.

Ohh maybe they'll get the little ones on their finger so they can hold it up and BOOM--mustache! Dumb.

You want to wear a mustache? Get a sex change or join the theatre.

subway performers

"Oh hey, someone is breakdancing inches away from my face and it's 8:15am and I'm on my way to work. This is great, I really am enjoying this and didnt want to read my book, listen to music and mind my own business while trying to not to lose it as is. This is exactly what I want." OH WAIT, NO IT'S NOT.

Subway performers, man. It's one thing to play your fucking Peruvian flute music in an outdoor space or even indoor space that's large enough for me to walk away from you. Mere inches away from you in the subway where people are just trying to get from point A to B in peace? Fuck that.

These people should be shooed off the train immediately, if not arrested. And these acrobatic dudes that re doing flips and shit with their $14.99 pathetic excuse for a boombox playing a radio rubbed copy of Black Eyed Peas? Prepare to die.

I don't care if some people think its "cute" or "entertaining" or that you are "talented". This shit is rude, an invasion of privacy, and in some cases straight up dangerous. If I want to see the circus I'll buy a fucking ticket for the big top. If I have to hear your James Taylor cover, then I guess I'll just have to fucking kill you instead.

"dibs" on winter parking spots

One of probably the top 5 things I hate and have ever hated in life: the "dibs" system. This shit is unbelievable. The nerve these people have, thinking they own the street. (the street also known as public property).

So it's winter and it snows. Yep, gotta shovel that snow. Is it fun? Probably not. Does it suck to shovel out your car from a foot of snow? Yes. But do you own that piece of cement that you removed snow from? NO.

People who think they are entitled to the space they shoveled out are fucking insane. It's called street parking. Its the process you go through 365 days a year when you own a car in a city and dont have a space/garage. I'd go Charles Bronson on these motherfuckers if I could, but then unsuspecting drivers would feel the retaliation instead. I want to see these people and their fucking lawn chairs and parking cones, and shove that shit right up their ass. Fucking babies. I dont know any other way to say this other than that it's fucking bullshit, plain and simple. It's called life, people. Deal with it.